The Staple, January 17th

When you don't know what to write; the every day is all there is edit; and more

From the Editor

I feel very, very wiped out this year. This is not a complaint but a statement of fact. There’s something very draining about being very sick, and I’m fortunate that I’m on the mend and that I won’t have permanent lasting effects. Being sick has reminded me of my mother, who was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in her late 20s, yet managed to work full-time, raise three children while her husband was deployed, and deal with increasingly limited mobility until she was wheelchair-bound. I literally never heard her complain; she took every card that life dealt with equanimity. She was a person of deep faith and I really believe that helped her.

I, however, don’t have a lot of the qualities that made my mother such an admirable person. I do complain when I’m ill and while I don’t endlessly whinge on, I’m sure I’m not the most pleasant patient to be around (primarily because I do, at times, lack patience). I’m lucky to have support from my husband and childcare, but this latest illness really knocked me out.

While I’m on the mend now, I’ve been very uninspired. I’m devastated by the LA fires—after being very anti-LA for years, I really fell in love with Pasadena and Altadena during our time there, and I feel devastated that I finally gave my heart to a place I strenuously resisted for years only to find it gone. Fire has always been a big fear of mine, and I can’t tell you how much my heart aches for people who have been affected by the fires. It makes writing about things feel a little bit selfish.

But the world goes on. There’s a poem (and I can’t remember exactly who wrote it), talking about how in one part of the world things are being destroyed while in another part things are exactly the same. And it’s true! Life must go on, or else, what’s the point?

I’m trying to stay away from the news lately—I realize the privilege in that—and just focus on my small world. I’m planning to stop by our local food pantry with a donation for MLK Day this weekend. I’m planning coffee with a friend, and lots of work, and upcoming events—

—but most of all, I’m trying to focus on the small changes that I myself can make, to make my community a better place. To quote Margaret Mead, “Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has.”

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The “Every Day is All There Is” Edit

As I’ve been spending a lot of time at home this winter, I’ve been very focused on my at-home life. I’m tired of saving the good things for “someday.” Here are a few of my favorite “every day is all there is” things.

Really good sleepwear

I really try not to wear “outdoor” clothes when hanging out around the house, and while I don’t climb into pyjamas in the middle of the day, I do enjoy wearing them around the house as well. Really great pyjamas are worth the investment to me, and I love Petite Plume and Lake equally—Petite Plume for more “formal” pyjamas (their flannel sets are so comfortable and warm for the winter), and Lake for more casual and warm-weather wear. I also live in my By Merryn pyjamas (no longer available, but a dead ringer here).

Sadly, my twelve-year-old Turkish cotton robe is finally fraying away, which is pretty good for a $45 Eastern Market purchase my first summer in DC, so I’m on the hunt for a replacement. This robe reminds me of the opening scene from Metropolitan, but I’m also drawn to this floofy housecoat (technical term). Both are great options to make me look a little more reputable around the house when I’m still sloping about in my pyjamas on a weekend morning!

Table settings

This covers a lot of items, but I have to say that properly setting the table for each meal has had a huge impact on how I feel—even if we’re just having takeout for dinner. It feels so nice to put on a real tablecloth, use my great-grandmother’s silver, and the elegant glassware from my Material Kitchen partnership last year (20% off with FANDBMATERIAL). It’s nothing fancy (my friend Heather does the best tablescapes and I need a tutorial from her!) but it makes me feel good.

I often update my table by shopping at our local antique and opportunity shops—you can pick up silver, china, and table linens for seriously low prices. I found a beautiful antique Irish linen tablecloth at mine for $5—and a full 12-person set of Porthault napkins and placemats for $70! Keep an eye out.

Good food

Do you know how much junk is in what we (as Americans) eat every day, whether you try to be healthy or not? We’re fortunate enough to live near a number of really good farms that provide fresh, organic produce, dairy, and meat. I’ve been trying to replace at least one meal a week with good food and honestly—it makes a difference. (Particularly eggs!)

Scented candles

I’m a sucker for a scented candle—this was the one trend that really had a grip on me that’s never truly relaxed. I bought a candle warmer last year and it’s been SO nice to have going most of the day (without having to worry about a fire). Some of my favorite scents come from Diptyque, Cire Trudon, Lake & Skye (LA-based brand; 15% off with FEWERANDBETTER15), and Byredo.

Rituals

I’ve been thinking a lot about a post my friend

dr. sarah duignan

wrote about rituals. Taking the time, every day, to ground myself with the same rituals has been a transformative process, particularly in times of stress or illness. Whether it’s going to church every Sunday or taking a few minutes every morning to prepare coffee or tea in a special mug, or something more poignant than that—it’s a way to center yourself, to put down roots in a world that is constantly attempting to erode any meaningful connection. It’s worth it to think about your routines and see if any become a ritual.

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Five Things

What I’m reading, making, and loving

As noted above, I’ve been trying to cook real food, and it’s been really nice (and delicious) to sit down with a meal that actually tastes good! I re-subscribed to the New York Times Cooking section and I’ve had a lot of fun baking, as well as preparing old favorites in new ways. Up tonight: this salmon.

We have been watching The Day of the Jackal on Peacock and have absolutely loved it. Great cinematography, excellent acting, and a really compelling story. We have three episodes left, and I don’t know what will fill the void when we’re done!

Now that I finally have my work computer set up, I can finally stop lugging my personal laptop into the city! I’ve switched bags to a smaller one that fits all my essentials without being a massive tote and I feel so much lighter for it. My new bag has definitely been a forever wishlist item for me, and I’m so lucky to be its custodian—it was passed down to me from my godmother’s mother. I’m taking good care of it, but while it’s an “investment” piece, it’s also meant to be used. I absolutely love it.

I’ve found myself drawn to more personal essays lately, and I’ve loved reading pieces from

dr. sarah duignan

,

angel cake

, and

Lunch on Friday

, among others. Please share if you have a favorite essayist!

I’ve loved the look of socks with loafers, but unfortunately it feels like the one pair of socks I want—red wool socks—are out of stock in every. single. brand. Of course, I now must hyperfixate on this one specific type of sock! Please let me know if you have any recommendations.

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Wardrobe MVPs This Week

A new feature: three pieces that carried me through the the week.

I’ve started commuting again seriously (two-three days per week), so my wardrobe has shifted to accommodate that. (Thank goodness, as I’d been living in leggings while I was sick.) Here are three pieces that really pulled their weight this week.

La Ligne Marin Lite sweater (c/o): I’ve really enjoyed the La Ligne sweaters I’ve received over the past few months, and the Marin Lite sweater is probably my favorite. I love the longer hem and, in particular, the collar. This is a great sweater to wear “French tucked” or loose. I wore this sweater three times this week: with black wool pants and loafers to church; with boot-cut jeans to work; and, above, with raw edge jeans and an alligator belt (vintage, similar here).

Sarah Flint Perfect Zip Bootie (c/o): Handmade shoes are probably my biggest weakness, and I was really pleased when the Sarah Flint team sent me these (as I didn’t have to ask my husband for them for Christmas!) I was a bit nervous about the double zipper looking too “cool,” as I am emphatically not cool, but it’s actually great—I can step right into the boots, zip them up, and go. The heel is a bit higher than I’d usually wear, but the insole is so comfortable it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve been tramping around Manhattan in them, including on the subway, and have had zero issues. Highly recommend! (You can snag 15% off with SF-FEWER&BETTER-15, and 40% off a ton of shoes/boots with WEEKEND). See them in action here.

Hermes Kelly bag: Okay, here’s the thing: I am not precious with my bags (I use a boat & tote all summer long, and until recently my work bag of choice was an ancient Longchamp Le Pliage). I upgraded to Parker Thatch’s Jane bag last year, which I love: roomy enough to hold my laptop and everything else without looking ludicrously capacious. In Manhattan, your bag is your car, and it has to hold everything, particularly when you’re commuting. But this year I actually have all the extra things I need in my office (glasses, contacts, umbrella, computer, snacks, chargers, my life), so I can finally TRAVEL LIGHT. My Kelly was a gift from my godmother (it belonged to her mother, the incredibly stylish woman who also passed down all her Fair Isle sweaters), and I am so obsessed with it. I now realize why this is the holy grail item for so many. The quality is unmatched (this is a very vintage bag, at least 30 years old), and it’s just stunning inside and out. It fits everything I need for the day, and it’s just a joy to use. Expect to see this much more often! (As with the boots, above, you can see it in action here.)

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Where to Find Me

I post a semi-weekly newsletter, The Staple, which you’re reading now! In between, you can find daily outfit and home posts on my LTK page, pieces I’m loving here on ShopMy, and I have a large archive here on my blog. I’m also on Instagram here.